Why We Write

I gave up after about 3 paragraphs, closing my laptop and instead turning my attention to the repeating houses of suburbia outside the Amtrak window as we headed north towards Milwaukee. The weekend in Chicago had been yet another great respite for me, a chance to reconnect with friends and at the same time continue to remember why I love the city so much. I wasn’t sad to be heading back to Milwaukee by any means, but it had been nice to get away for the weekend.

In the past 4 months, the furthest I have traveled outside of Milwaukee County has been to Chicago, which has happened 3 times since the first of the year. Merely typing that last sentence sets off a release of depressing chemicals into my brain. Still, owing to the fact that these short weekend trips were the only traveling I had done, I figured I had little else to write about for my “food and travel” blog than my experiences in Chicago. But the thought of even broaching the subject of good food in Chicago overwhelmed me. I was not worthy in terms of knowledge, passion, or even interest, to wade into the depths of the Chicago foodie culture. I’ve waited in line for an hour for hot dogs at Hot Dougs before, but there was no need to be the 10,000^th person to write about it.

Frustrated, I stopped writing and thought about how I could possibly fill this space without merely mimicking what had already been done before. This ambiguity and uncertainty remained on my mind this week as I read an updated post from a good friend who writes what is in effect a blog about being both a chef and an ultimate player, a unique literary combination to say the least. He is a man who goes by the name Panda, which in itself should give him all the credentials needed. His post, actually a return to posting from a hiatus, examined the “why “ of why we do what we do, and what drives him to work so hard at cooking, and where he hopes this will take him. I’ve always been found of his writing for its candidness and brutal honesty of someone opening up their thought process as they strive to achieve their dreams.

So instead of faking my way through a post about a city that I could not even begin to describe in a few short paragraphs, I thought that maybe I would steal his train of thought and examine my own interests and actions. Why am I writing this blog anyways?

It’s been 9 months since it began, shortly after I moved to Milwaukee to begin yet another new life and career. I wasn’t really sure exactly how things would turn out, but felt the need to begin to put down thoughts and observations on paper (figuratively of course), and something said just go ahead, start, and figure out the details later. And so it began, as many (figuratively as well) have probably noticed, in varying formats, with alternating voices, as I began to search for how I would feel most comfortable writing about the topics that interested me.

That still doesn’t answer the question of why, however. The truth is still somewhat undefined. What I do know is this – I love to travel, and intend to make it a central part of my life. I also love food. Not so much an obsession with the act of eating or cooking in itself, but with how it represents cultures and identities around the globe so uniquely, and that in it I have found the best way to experience the places I go. I have plans, though still undefined, to take some time off from life in the future to do some extensive traveling. I want to write thoroughly about these experiences in my life. The best way to get better at writing is to practice it.

That’s the long and short of it.

Already, this blog feels both like a success and a failure at the same time. When I began, I had dreams of weekly posts about all sorts of topics and places that would thrill and entertain my readers. This, I soon learned, was an unrealistic ambition given the time required to do such writing properly, and the fact that I have to spend a good chunk of my time in life working on things completely unrelated to any of it all. So the posts began to dwindle, and then winter hit, and then I didn’t go anywhere for 4 months and became depressed about the status of this blog, so I began writing a post about why I’m writing posts at all in an attempt to rejuvenate myself, but they were full of frustration and lack of focus, which led to lapses and errors, such as run-on sentences and accidentally starting to write in stream of consciousness.

But at the same time, when I step back from it all, I can see already that I’ve learned quite a bit about how I want to begin forming ideas and dictating these onto the pages. What I look for, what I observe, and how I make note of it, are all things that I’ve begun to practice while on the road, so that when I sit down at the computer I can recreate the experiences I’ve had in the way I intended. I’ve learned how to be patient with myself as an editor, and work through things that I don’t like. You might not know it from some of the posts, but behind the scenes it is getting easier for me to formulate ideas.

Now I just need to get the hell out of Milwaukee and go somewhere new! I’m getting over my SAD, and spring is almost actually here. My Europe trip is booked, I’m working on a New York trip, and hopefully some other shorter ones for the summer and fall as well. In a way it seems like I’m starting over as a traveler, beginning at two of the most obvious places in the world: Western Europe and New York City. If only I had booked through Paris like I originally intended I think I would’ve nailed possibly the two cities any dumbass who won the lottery would pick to visit first.

I’ve realized now that given my work and life responsibilities, this blog is better served as a once a month or so type update rather than a weekly thing. I hope that taking this route will keep me inspired to write rather than feeling obligated, which can only lead to half-assedness and nothing more. Really it should be dictated by how much I travel, and that should inspire me enough to continue to move, to continue to explore, and to continue to write.

Everything continues to be a work in progress. But at least that means I am working on it.